The Legend of Autistica

Every group of people has a tale of their origin.

This is the Legend of Autistica.

Long, long, ago, the world was in chaos. Everywhere, the land was flooded with bright lights and loud noises. Clothes were made of the itchiest textiles available. People babbled in confusing doublespeak. Such were the ways of Emperor Nero Typicles. But, the people of the empire were not happy. The world was chaotic and overwhelming, and the people wanted peace.

"You're fine!" bellowed Typicles. "Quit being dramatic! It's not that bad! If you just go ahead and do the thing, you can get it over with!" But lo, the thing could not be done. It was indeed an impossible thing, and Typicles did not understand the people.

Emperor Typicles assembled a council of whichever advisers happened to be available during lunch on a Tuesday. "How can we get the people to do the thing?!" he bellowed.

"Perhaps, Emperor, we need to push them harder." said one adviser, who once lost a game of checkers to an ordinary potato.

"Push them harder? Brilliant!" said Typicles. "What is your plan for pushing them harder?"

The adviser, who again, was as sharp as a bowling ball, for this element can not be overstated, said, "There are three elements to my plan. First, the plan must be enacted at all times, day and night. There shall be no rest. Second, they shall do exactly as we tell them, for we know better than the people. Finally, the plan must be enacted at all times, day and night. There shall be no rest."

"That third step sounds suspiciously like the first step." said Typicles.

The third step is MOST important!" cried the adviser, a person who once confused a rock and a donut. "My plan is so very simple. The people must Always Behave. Always."

"A simple three step plan. A-B-A. I do like simplicity." mused Typicles. For the world was complex, and this was simple. A return to simpler times meant a return to simple ruling, and this greatly pleased the Emperor. He paid the adviser well, and declared an edict that the Empire of Typicles would enact this simple, yet remarkably ill-conceived plan.

And so the people chafed. Everyone was unhappy, but this displeased Typicles. "Why aren't you smiling? You should smile more!" Eventually, Typicles was so displeased that he issued clay masks to be worn at all times. These masks bore rictus grins of the dead, and every citizen of the Empire was expected to wear these heavy smiles, in every situation, every single day. This made the people sad beneath the heavy masks, and they grew silent.

The silence so grated on Emperor Typicles. He demanded an end to the silence, and proclaimed that the people speak every second of every day. This delighted some people, because they had been silently working on new gardening techniques, and some found several new and shiny rocks, many had befriended the beasts of the wild and wanted to share images of their furry beast friends, and yet others found delightful books about the myths of the Ancient World… and they all wanted to talk about it.

"NO!" blared Typicles. "That is too many details, and I do not understand that of what you speak! Be silent of your gardens and rocks and books. Thou shall speak only of that which we all know! Speak of the weather, but only in generalities. Speak of Sportsball, but again, only in generalities. You shall speak while saying nothing. This is the way of Typicles, and thus shall end the uncomfortable silence forever!"

And so the people continued in their sad silence, bearing heavy toothy grins, and speaking only in pre-scripted small talk, that which actually communicated nothing. The people became isolated, and lonely, and had given up hope that they would ever be freed from the tyranny of Nero Typicles.

Then one day, a warrior appeared.

This is where I come into the story. A noble and fearsome creature, as ever there was. Gaze upon my regal face! My long and elegant neck! My gnarled and opalescent horns!

Oh, wait, I should clarify. I’m a Dragon. My name is Thundercore. Good to make your acquaintance. The noble warrior riding on my back is the first human I ever called friend. This warrior carried with them a number of books, and rocks, and seeds of an untold variety, and was surrounded by a menagerie of the most fearsome, yet adorable, beasts- many of whom were Dragons of my very own clan. This warrior also carried broken shackles, which many believe that the warrior themself once wore. This was Autismix, the leader of the Autistics.

When I tell the story of Autismix to humans, the first question I’m often asked is whether Autismix was a boy or a girl. The second question is often whether or not Autismix wore a hat.

I must confess- as a dragon, I have difficulty telling the difference between human boys and human girls. I’m sure it came up at some point, but let’s just say that Autismix was very much like you. Also, Autismix wore no hat, but instead wore armor forged from Dragon Scales. As you know, Dragon Scales are lighter than feathers, but stronger than steel. Autismix was gifted the elegant and powerful and very comfortable armor after passing all seven Trials of the Dragons, making Autismix the first-ever human to do so. It was because of this, that Autismix won the eternal respect of the Dragons, and became my lifelong friend.

Aside from befriending a clan of mighty Dragons, Autismix also led a legion of librarians, and scholars, and gardeners, and also students of the Magicks.

When Autismix and the Autistics traveled across the vast desert and arrived in the Land of Typicles, they took pause.

"Why do the people here wear heavy masks?" they asked. "Why do the people speak, yet say nothing?" they asked. "Why are the lights so bright, and the noises so loud, and the clothes so itchy, and the food so slimy?" they continued to ask. Each time the Autistics asked these questions, the people of Typicles had no answer. It was simply the way things were done. The longer the Autistics stayed, and the more questions were asked, the more the nation of Typicles questioned whether the Way of Typicles was right at all. Gossip soon spread back to the palace, and into the ear of Typicles. Typicles was enraged. He gathered his heaviest and loudest and itchiest armor, and assembled his guards, and set off to confront Autismix and the Autistics.

When Nero Typicles finally met with us, he appeared very angry. He said a lot of angry things, complained that we were in violation of several policies, and wanted us to acknowledge his position of authority.

“And another thing,” he shouted, “Get off that tall dolphin, so that you’re shorter than me, so I can yell at you better!”

I must confess, people like Nero Typicles very rarely see us Dragons for who we are. I’ve been mistaken for a horse, I’ve been mistaken for a llama, and I’ve been mistaken for a very large dog. Being mistaken for a dolphin was new for me. It was for reasons such as this, that Dragons often considered humans to be little more than angry, yet delicious nuggets. Autismix convinced me to reconsider that belief, but for Nero Typicles, I could have made an exception.

Ever the peacemaker, Autismix introduced themself, introduced me, introduced several humans, introduced several Dragons, and even introduced a dog or two. Autismix then asked a number of questions about why Nero Typicles’ people seemed so unhappy, and why they were engaged in such difficult, yet pointless work.

"Ask NOT these questions!" Typicles demanded of Autismix. "They serve no purpose! They distract from the toiling of the people! If they continue doing as they do, they will become used to it! This is what is normal! They need to wear their masks, and speak about comfortable things, and Always Behave, Always! And also, take off that strange armor. I don’t know what it is made from, and this makes me very uncomfortable!"

"If your comfort is determined by defining me, that is your own burden." said Autismix. "I have spent much time among your people. The people say that you do not value them, but you value their work instead. The people say that you do not read books, or listen to experts, or entertain complex ideas. The people say that you force them to do impossible things, but do not understand why they are impossible for the people."

"You use strange words!" said Typicles. "Can you put your ideas in a simpler format, one that could be chanted easily, or perhaps painted on the bumper of a chariot?"

Autismix sighed. "The world is complex, and therefore thought is complex. In order to understand the world, people need the strength to wield the complexity. The strength of the people is stripped away by these masks, and these impossible tasks, and this behaving. I will teach your people to refocus their strength where it is most needed. We shall plan, and schedule, and reduce the number of steps in tasks, and never again wear a heavy mask. Such is the way of our people."

The People of Autistica cheered. The Dragons of Autistica cheered. Several other animals barked and meowed and hooted in support. The people who wore the masks were silent, for this is all they had known.

One masked child asked, "You mean we don't have to wear these things?" Autismix shook their head. The children began to take off the heavy masks and dash them upon the ground, shattering them. The parents, initially shocked by such a sight, then began to also take off their masks and shatter them. This continued until the citizens were all maskless, and for the first time in ages, genuinely happy.

"You cannot take my people!" shouted Typicles. "We shall go to war!"

Autismix smiled, "There is only a war when two groups decide to fight. I see only one group here, and it seems they are not interested in fighting."

And so, the Emperor Typicles was asked to relocate from his palace, which was turned into a museum, a library, a park to walk with Dragons and other beasts, and even a community garden, for the palace was large and provided enough space for everyone. Emperor Typicles found a very comfortable life doing color commentary on Sportsball, where he spoke non-stop as he stated the obvious, and no one really cared.

The land of Nero Typicles was renamed Autistica. The Autistics were proud of their land, proud of their knowledge, and proud of their heritage. They were gracious and invited new Autistics to live among them. They continue seek out new things to learn, and work smarter, not harder. They use this newfound energy to educate others, to brighten the world with works of art, and to spread Autistic awareness of the world around them. The Autistic people welcome new members to the Autistic world, and welcome those descendants of the subjects of Nero Typicles who want to join them in the Autistic life.

In case you’re wondering, the person who designed the ABA system was bitten by a goat, then fell into a well, after eating a large amount of monkey poop. For, once again, this person understood so very little of the world.

I spent many, many, many years traveling the world with Autismix, seeking out more Autistics. We would periodically return to Autistica with new Autistic people that were liberated from other kingdoms, much like those of the former Empire of Typicles. This was Autismix’s lifelong mission, and I was very proud to participate.

One day, Autismix became too tired to travel. Yet, there was still much work to do, and many more Autistics to discover. Just as my dragon clan and I had sworn an oath of loyalty to Autismix many, many, many years before, we once again swore an oath to travel the world in Autismix’s place, to find the Children of Autistica, and to bring them all home.

This is the legacy of Autismix. This is our noble purpose. This is the way of The Dragons of Autistica.

Matt Lowry