Autistic Identity Development Model
Having worked with Autistic people for the past couple of decades, and being Autistic myself, I’ve noticed some patterns in how Autistic people come to terms with an Autistic identity. This is my working model for development of the Autistic Identity.
Stage 1- The Authentic Self
The Autistic person enjoys repetitive activities, stimming, immersion in special interests, and enjoys life in an authentically autistic way. The Autistic person is not aware of any differences between themself and others, and simply enjoys being.
Stage 2- The Other
The Autistic person encounters neurotypical people, and in doing so feels alien. Bullying may occur, self-esteem my fall, and the autistic person is now aware of differences between themself and their peers. The Autistic person now blames themself for the lack of acceptance by neurotypical peers, and may become intensely anxious and depressed.
Stage 3- The Mask
The Autistic person internalizes this rejection and makes efforts to mask or desensitize themself. This is to "remove" those traits deemed unacceptable by peers and alleviate feelings of anxiety, depression, and rejection. This process is long, painful, and traumatic.
Stage 4- The Burial
The Autistic person may spend years in this stage, continually in a stage of pain and self-doubt. The person may engage in self-destructive behaviors, in substance abuse, or in unhealthy relationships. These are all attempts to distance themself from their authentic self, and to be "normal."
Stage 5- The Awakening
The Autistic person may come across information about autism, or a family member may be diagnosed autistic. At this moment, there is extreme and potentially painful clarity that the person is NOT a broken neurotypical, but is actually a perfectly normal Autistic. The pain of this realization may cause regression back into the Mask and Burial phases before coming to terms with the need for authenticity.
Stage 6- The Unmasking
The Autistic person comes to terms with need for authenticity, and decides to unmask. This stage can be long, painful, and full of conflict with others and the self. As old memories of exclusion and alienation resurface, self-blame may arise due to years of masking, and resentment may occur for being excluded and being treated poorly due to an inherent difference. There may be conflict with friends and family who encourage masking, judgement for the choice to unmask and become authentic, and this phase may be interrupted by a need to return to the status quo to avoid rejection. The Autistic person may seek out a formal diagnosis, but be denied by neurotypical evaluators due to making eye contact, demonstrating a sense of humor, holding a job, or a number of other activities that an inexperienced evaluator deems non-autistic. This causes confusion and regression, and results in further Masking and Burial. Because of these conflicts, his stage may require therapy from a neurodivergent therapist to help work through the trauma of Internalized Ableism, and to help forge a new and healthy autistic identity.
Stage 7- The Authentic Self (Re-Forged)
The Autistic person takes steps to live an authentic life. This involves a healthy Sensory Diet, where the sensory needs of the autistic person are respected and valued. The autistic person begins to respect their own boundaries, and to appreciate their own unique strengths and weaknesses. The autistic person begins to re-engage with Special Interests, and openly stim once again. The autistic person may then seek out healthy relationships that value the Authentic autistic person, and build a stronger and healthier community around them.
