Autistic Trauma and Internalized Ableism
If you’re autistic, you may already know this. The world is not designed for autistic people.
The DSM criteria for autism is designed, not around our strengths, but around how we differ from neurotypical people. When autistic people seek out diagnoses to get support, we have to go through a gauntlet of medical professionals, insurance validation, and gatekeepers who say that we CAN’T be autistic, because we don’t resemble autistic characters from media (who are written by and portrayed by neurotypical writers and actors). If you’re able to pass through that gauntlet, you may be judged by how much you move, or whether you make eye contact, or whether the neurotypical evaluator subjectively finds conversation with you to be unpleasant. Some evaluators might decide that you’re not autistic ENOUGH for a diagnosis, because a lifetime of masking and repressing your natural tendencies makes it difficult to be the real you- even for the length of an evaluation.
Indeed, we live in a world that encourages masking. Some people who are not autistic might say, “Doesn’t everyone mask to a certain extent?” And yes, most people act differently in accordance with social expectations. The difference between autistic masking vs. non-autistic masking is the same as the difference between acute pain vs. chronic pain, or between spraining an ankle and requiring crutches for a few weeks vs. becoming paralyzed and requiring a wheelchair. The difference is a matter of short-term inconvenience vs. survival. Non-autistic people might question why an autistic person might choose to act autistic, rather than act neurotypically. We act autistic because this is how our brains are wired.
Autistic people are autistic, not because of vaccines, or diseases, or any other detrimental factor. Research shows that the heritability rate of autism is higher than 90%. (https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/heritability-of-autism). This means that autistic children are born to autistic parents, who were themselves born to autistic parents, and so on and so forth back until the beginning of humanity. Autistic people come from a lineage of autistic people. Autistic people are autistic, because we inherit genes that cause our brains to be hyperconnected (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24210821/). Because of this, we experience what is called the Intense World Theory, where we take in more data than neurotypicals, process more data than neurotypicals, and have a very different experience of the world (https://autisticandunapologetic.com/2020/10/17/the-intense-world-theory-of-autism-explained/). Studies show that they hyperconnected autistic brain processes 42% more information on average than a neurotypical brain. Because of this, autistic people are often gifted, despite the common misconception that we’re somehow more often intellectually impaired (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4927579/).
The question is therefore raised, why would a lineage of people with hyperconnected brains want to mask themselves? The answer is that research also shows that neurotypical people tend to dislike autistic people (https://www.nature.com/articles/srep40700). Our neurology causes us to have intense emotions, to be overwhelmed with sensory experiences, and to process more information than neurotypicals. This causes differences in the way we socialize, in the way we react to stimuli, and in the way we think and feel. Because neurotypical people tend not to understand those with different brains, we’re often ostracized and criticized for being different. Ivar Lovaas developed “Applied Behavior Analysis” or “ABA” as a method to “correct” autistic brains, and to make us into neurotypical people. Lovaas believed that he was doing autistic people a service by changing us into neurotypical people, and his work progressed into “The Feminine Boy Project” where the same methodology was used to create “Gay Conversion Therapy,” a modality that has led to a high rate of suicide for gay people (https://nsadvocate.org/2018/07/11/treating-autism-as-a-problem-the-connection-between-gay-conversion-therapy-and-aba/). Rewiring human sexuality is just as impossible as rewiring a hyperconnected brain, and similar rates of depression and suicide have occurred in autistic people (https://www.autisticsunitedca.org/blog/all-aba-hurts-autistics).
Due to this prejudice and exclusion, autistic people often experience internalized ableism, an intense self-loathing due to our differences from those who treat us poorly because we are different (https://themighty.com/topic/disability/internalized-ableism-experiences). This internalized ableism is a form of trauma. It leads to emotional difficulties, anger, resentment, relationship problems, and a refusal to accept ourselves or other autistic family members. Due to these issues, autistic people are likely to develop substance abuse problems (https://thinkingautismguide.com/2018/07/autism-and-addiction-problem-with-deep.html), and the life expectancy of the average autistic person is just 36 years (https://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/abs/10.2105/AJPH.2017.303696).
This internalized ableism and trauma of being excluded kills autistic people. Many autistic people say, “I’m not disabled! I can drive a car and have a job and have a family and I made dinner just last night!” At the same time, because the world is not designed for autistic people, navigating the neurotypical world is often more exhausting for an autistic person. There might be constant sensory overload, emotional overload, and people often get to the point that everyday tasks become overwhelming. This is called autistic burnout (https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autistic-burnout-explained/). Once again, because of internalized ableism and unrealistic expectations, autistic people often push past our limits so that we can meet external expectations, doing damage to ourselves. This is why autism is often referred to as a disability according to the Social Model of Disability (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_model_of_disability). If we lived in an autistic centered world, with less sensory input and more time to recharge, we would fare better than we do currently.
Because of this, it’s important to engage in self-care. You might need to find an autistic-centered therapist, or engage in your interests more, or work on reducing internalized ableism. You might need to learn about your autistic heritage, or advocate on behalf of your fellow autistic people. You might need to take pride in your autistic brain, and advocate on your own behalf. We are not built for the neurotypical world, and it is unrealistic to place neurotypical expectations upon ourselves.
Find other autistic people. Take pride in your autistic brain. Make the world a more autistic-friendly place.
